Mom's Corner

I plan to start "Mom's Corner" because my mom writes a funny email, usually involving the family pets, and usually involving their ingestion (eating other animals) or digestion (poop or vomit). Those of you that know my mom know this shit will be goood. Today, however, I'm settling for this chain featuring the entire familia de Linda:

Mother: Right outside our t.v. room patio door is a tiny nest being made for the first time. It surprises me that the birds want a nest so close to the most active side of the house and the busiest door. You can see the bird's eyes reflecting in the [attached] photo inside the tiny nest. For the last two days birds fly over the backyard fence and directly into that small palm. I just noticed the nest this morning, however. I can't wait to see the eggs being laid and the babies hatch...if Gretyl [cat] permits that to happen...I found her eating a small bird on the outside mat just two days ago, before I realized what the birds were attempting to do. They're persistent parents, I guess. Anyway, I wanted to share the activity with my nature-loving family.

Brother: This story took a turn for the gruesome! Didn't expect that at all.

Linda: Gretyl has a taste for blood.

Dad: Gretyl is a connoisseur of rare delicacies, especially the endangered California Gnatcatcher.

Brother: After all this time, you're still resenting the little bird that singlehandedly caused the total collapse of the California real estate market, eh Dad?

Mom: Should I send a picture of the half-eaten gopher and a rat with its guts hanging out so you can feel sorry for them too? BTW: Research shows this innocent, tiny bird is a type of sparrow which hasn't affected real estate yet!

Dad: Like Gretyl, I love the little warblers. There's not much meat on them though. I like them deep fried in a tempura batter. The California Gnatcatcher tastes just like the Mexican Gnatcatcher; I can't discern any difference between the two species.