Mom's Corner

Classic telephone conversation with Mom:

Linda: Hi...you said you wanted to touch base about XYZ so I'm just calling you back. I'm walking home.

Mom: Oh you're not at the office? You're done with work?

Linda: Yes. I'm walking home. I just picked up groceries at the market.

Mom: How many blocks until you are home?

Linda: Uh....several...to a dozen? I don't know. Ten minutes.

Mom: Okay. Okay. What are you making for dinner?

Linda: Pasta.

Mom: What kind?

Linda: Cheese tortellini and puttanesca sauce I think, the kind with all the olives and capers and salt. I don't know. I was in a rush and I'm tired from work, sorry, can we just talk about XYZ really quick?

Mom: [XYZ]

Linda: [XYZ] Okay thanks.

Mom: How many blocks do you have left?

Linda: Two.

Mom: Two?

Linda: I don't know. Maybe three.

Mom: Three....okay.

Linda: Would you like me to alert you to the end of each block?

Mom: Don't be a shit!

Linda: Sorry. I had a long day and you wanted to talk about XYZ really quickly and we did and now I'm just really tired and I need to get off the phone and not be snippy because I am really tired and irritable.

Mom: Okay, okay. Let me just think about the questions I had to ask you...

Linda: ......

Mom: Oh! Brother went to the doctor for a routine checkup yesterday. His doctor told him he was okay generally but he should get some of his moles checked out because they were irregular. For melanoma. But he's fine.

Linda: (Bratty snide chuckle). Okay, thanks. Good to know.

Mom: You should also get yourself checked. You said you got sunburned hiking in Calistoga the other weekend! You should not get sunburned.

Linda: I shouldn't?

Mom: No! You should wea- Stop being a shit!

Linda: I don't get burned on purpose. I wear sunscreen. Why are we talking about this? I need to go.

Mom: Okay, I know. I can tell you're irritable I'm sorry I bothered you. YOUR BROTHER DOES NOT HAVE MELANOMA. DON'T WORRY.

Linda: I wasn't worried. I won't worry.

Mom: Okay good.

THE END.