Land Pirates

A few years ago Annie and I went to Costa Rica, and we stayed away from the Caribbean side because of rumored "land pirates." We thought the phrase was funny but otherwise didn't think much of it. But when I told Jeff and Brendan about the land pirates last weekend, they asked a good question: "What's a land pirate?"

I didn't have an answer! In my head they were just regular robbers but with tattered clothes and maybe an eyepatch. Like when the pirate industry collapsed they turned to pickpocketing. Why did I not realize that made no sense?

I posed my land pirate question to several people. Brendan and Dan both think it's a type of highwayman. I don't think land pirates are highwaymen because there are no stagecoaches or British muskets in Costa Rica (plus - bad joke alert - Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Johnny Cash are too classy for that). Dan also added it could be a swashbuckler. That's not quite right either because a swashbuckler is basically a good guy, right? Like a jolly wit who wields the sword of justice? Also Costa Rica is too hot for the stirrup pants and boots of the highwayman or the swashbuckler.

I conclude land pirates are just robbers with awesome names. Pirates aren't totally anachronistic! Pirates are still around. This Wikipedia article lists a handful of interesting modern victims, including the murder of an environmentalist and yachtsman by Brazilian pirates in 2001 and an attack on an American yacht off Somalia in 2005.

And pirates if you're reading this, check out 826 Valencia in San Francisco. Maybe also give Colin Meloy a call with some new material.