Update from Goldie!

I got another MySpace bulletin from Goldie.

SORRY I HAVE NOT BEEN AROUND BUT I HAVE NO INTERNET !!! AS MOST OF YOU KNOW , I'M GETTING READY TO MOVE ...WELL ... THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH THE DATES ON SHUT OFF AND THEY SHUT IT OFF TO SOON ....... SO I'M GOING CRAZY ....... I'M OVER AT MY GRANDDAUGHTERS USING HER COMPUTOR .I HOPE WE GET MOVED SOON ,WHAT A MESS , LOOKS LIKE I WONT HAVE SERVICE UNTIL FRIDAY.... I WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED ,THANK YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL COMMENTS IN MY ABSENTS.THIS IS SUCH A MESS, ALL KINDS OF THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING WRONG, LOVE TO ALL YOU ,I MISS YOU ALL VERY ,VERY MUCH.

LOVE GOLDIE

Cynical Dreamer

Mom's Corner

Dad's golfing this morning and then we're taking Maggie to a trainer consultation at 2:15. We want suggestions with further training since she's getting pretty big for me to physically pull or hold anymore during certain training sessions. I've ended up spraining neck/shoulder muscles a few weeks ago and got put on vicodin and muscle relaxants Thursday; hopefully for a short time only.

Maggie is observant, responsive and so doggone sweet and loving, so sometimes (many times, actually) we forget to be in the teaching mode with her until we realized she's outsmarted us, dah! :) Laurie, lady next door, has a three-month old black tabby cat which has come into our yard and met Gretyl; Gretyl hasn't killed her yet and simply sits and watches her. Maggie hasn't seen 'Rocket,' but has smelled her trails around the yard (and probably likes the new poop menu).

[Eds note: Maggie is a dog, Gretyl is a cat.]

Three Psychologists Walk into a Bar...

[A guest post by Linda's roommate Leslie.]

Well, not a bar exactly, it was more of a party – an unbelievably socially-awkward party full of highly-functioning Autistic men. Unfortunately this is not the beginning of a joke; it’s actually how I spent this past Saturday night.

Because of a long string of events that include (but are not limited to) Craigslist, a small, tenacious Asian man, and a lemon farmer, Linda done got herself invited to a party. The only thing we knew about the party in advance was that: A, it was going to be a total sausage fest; B, that it was going to be primarily full of dotcomers, and C, that we wouldn’t know anyone there. I like sausage, strangers, and the internet, so I decided to join her. We figured we would bring some peeps too (some of whom, like me, work in the field of Psychology).

It’s always interesting when you find yourself in the company of people who are really different from the folks you’re normally surrounded by, isn’t it? It doesn’t happen very often, and I find that I kind of enjoy it when it does. It shakes up reality a little bit. Well, last night reality was shaken up in a pretty hardcore way when six delicious ladies (and one luscious dude) walked into a party full of strangers, none of whom were capable of making eye contact.

Truthfully though, it has nothing to do with hotness (although there was a lot of it – for those of you who haven’t met or seen Linda, allow me to let you in on a little secret: Total Babe). It has to do with basic social skills. When I have a party I like to make sure that my guests feel welcome. I look at them. I say hello. I might even go so far as to offer them a drink, or perhaps a place to put their jackets -- but there was curiously none of that last night, none of it. You would have thought we were invisible, and this is where the whole psychology thing becomes really fun. My friend Jen pointed out early on that at bare minimum they all had Asperger’s (a mild form of Autism), if not Autism itself, and she was totally right. We were, without a doubt, in the company of highly-functioning Autistic men – none of whom were capable of carrying on a conversation with us. It was like a convention. I don’t know how it happened, but it did, and I have to tell you it was fascinating.

I’m not sure what category of men Linda could add this to. Perhaps those she can’t date because they have no idea women are in the room?

Work Hard, Play Hard

I've been categorizing the mens lately. Here's one more: "Men I Cannot Date Because They Use the Phrase 'Work Hard, Play Hard.'"

This phrase makes me cringe. If a dude uses it, he probably has a lucrative job moving money around, frequents lounges with ottomans and expensive cocktails, weekends in Tahoe or Napa [FN1], and is gregarious with a full calendar of group activities.

Nothing wrong with that. But Grandma Linda can't hang. She needs quiet time. Where is the introspection and thoughtfulness? Where is the private person only I can know? Plus that dude wouldn't understand my philosophy: "work easy, play easy." Or more accurately, "work hard, relax hard with wine and novels and crafts and baked goods."

[FN1: Weekend as a verb. Yuck.]

Werewolves and Lollipops

I almost listed Kevin James on my "Men I Find Attractive Even Though I Probably Shouldn't" list below. Problem is, I'm not really attracted to him, I just find him totally entertaining and I feel guilty about it. For example I love King of Queens. And I kinda want to see I Now Prounounce You Chuck and Larry. The heart wants what it wants.

So imagine how delighted I was to discover that King of Queens co-star Patton Oswalt is a guilt-free treat. When I watched Magnolia again recently I noted him and nodded in solemn approval. He was an uncredited writer on Borat. He's been on Dr. Katz, Seinfeld, Human Giant, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, I Love the 80's, Crank Yankers, and Reno 911!, among others. I love that he has described himself as a "man without a country" in that he hates both George W. Bush and hippies. (HaHa I just typed George W. Busy. Kinda like Bush meets Run DMC? Somebody just found her Halloween costume!!)

But what I love most is his new standup cd Werewolves and Lollipops. HOLY SHIT. I listened to it on my iPod while trying to run this afternoon and I had to stop and walk because I was doubled-over in out-loud laughter. Walking was also embarrassing because of my insane grin and laughing. People stared.

Get it. Steal it. Buy it on iTunes. Do what you gotta do.


This is a picture that shows up if one Googles "Patton Oswalt Kevin James."

Men I Find Attractive Even Though I Probably Shouldn't

• Tom Selleck
• Hugh Grant
• Craig Kilborn
• James Spader
• Owen Wilson
• Vince Vaughn
• Jack Black
• David Spade
• Adam Carolla
• Michael Cera

Men I'm Not Attracted To Even Though Society Suggests I Should Be

• Tom Cruise
• Justin Timberlake
• Matthew McConaughey
• David Beckham
• Bill Rancig
• Tom Brady
• All of The Bachelors
• Jude Law
• Pierce Brosnan
• Antonio Banderas

An Arkansas Thing

Courtesy of Linda's Brother: Here's an "Arkansas thing" that just happened to me. I googled for a barber shop around my office and found a place called Loy's. Called it, Loy answers and I ask how late he's open. He says, pretty slow, all drawl,"Not very late. Who is this?" I identify myself and say I'm just looking to get my hair cut. He says "Welllllllllll I'm not open very much anymore these days, getting too old you see, I'm nearin' 70 now and my knees ain't what they used to be. I am sorry about it, I'm not tryin to sound sarcastic or anything, I just can't do it. I can be open on Wednesday or Thursday or Friday mornings, so you might want to try back around then sometime. You been in here before?"

The Charm of 5:30 (Dave Berman)

It's too nice a day to read a novel set in England.


We're within inches of the perfect distance from the sun,
the sky is blueberries and cream,
and the wind is as warm as air from a tire.
Even the headstones in the graveyard
seem to stand up and say "Hello! My name is..."


It's enough to be sitting here on my porch,
thinking about Kermit Roosevelt,
following the course of an ant,
or walking out into the yard with a cordless phone
to find out she is going to be there tonight.


On a day like today, what looks like bad news in the distance
turns out to be something on my contact, carports and white
courtesy phones are spontaneously reappreciated
and random "okay"s ring through the backyards.


This morning I discovered the red tints in cola
when I held a glass of it up to the light
and found an expensive flashlight in the pocket of a winter coat
I was packing away for summer.


It all reminds me of that moment when you take off your sunglasses
after a long drive and realize it's earlier
and lighter out than you had accounted for.

You know what I'm talking about,

and that's the kind of fellowship that's taking place in town, out in
the public spaces. You won't overhear anyone using the words
"dramaturgy" or "state inspection today. We're too busy getting along.

It occurs to me that the laws are in the regions and the regions are
in the laws, and it feels good to say this, something that I'm almost
sure is true, outside under the sun.

Then to say it again, around friends, in the resonant voice of a
nineteenth-century senator, just for a lark.

There's a shy looking fellow on the courthouse steps, holding up a
placard that says "But, I kinda liked Reagan." His head turns slowly
as a beautiful girl walks by, holding a refrigerated bottle up against
her flushed cheek.

She smiles at me and I allow myself to imagine her walking into
town to buy lotion at a brick pharmacy.
When she gets home she'll apply it with great lingering care before
moving into her parlor to play 78 records and drink gin-and-tonics
beside her homemade altar to James Madison.

In a town of this size, it's certainly possible that I'll be invited over
one night.

In fact I'll bet you something.

Somewhere in the future I am remembering today. I'll bet you
I'm remembering how I walked into the park at five thirty,
my favorite time of day, and how I found two cold pitchers
of just poured beer, sitting there on the bench.

I am remembering how my friend Chip showed up
with a catcher's mask hanging from his belt and how I said

great to see you, sit down, have a beer, how are you,
and how he turned to me with the sunset reflecting off his contacts
and said, wonderful, how are you.