Mom's Corner

"Here's a photo of the pheasant walking around our neighborhood. Two evenings ago it walked right along our fence on the fairway side. I couldn't get my camera in time before it left, however. Its back is even browner than this photo which makes the ring and colored head more impressive. Apparently it's safely roosting in the trees at night since the coyotes haven't caught it yet...amazing. It's fun hearing it all day long."

Knocked Up

Why did I not realize that "Knocked Up" is a comedy extravaganza?

I read reviews on Slate and then Lindsayism and now I want to see it. Like: Right Now. Who knew it was actually really funny? How did I miss that it was written, directed, and produced by Judd Apatow? I had just been reading everything I could find about this man who is involved with some of my most favorite things ever (Freaks and Geeks, Anchorman, 40 Year Old Virgin, Talladega Nights) and who appears to have the coolest little set of friends (including but not limited to Paul Rudd, Steve Carrell, Seth Rogan, and Will Ferrell)!

You know what I think it was? I think I confused "Knocked Up" with "License to Wed," that movie with the preview that disappoints me every time because it starts out with my boyfriend John Krasinski and Mandy Moore starring in a RomCom and then devolves into some sort of Nutty Professor-esque thing with what appears to be BABIES OF THE CLAYMATION OR ROBOT VARIETIES.

But anyway here are some fun Judd Apatow links I found when I was stalking him:

Village Voice on geek fantasies come true
Interview with Wired
Random Q&A
Fake cut of Michael Cera being fired from Knocked Up
Slate Journal

Mac and Me

Speaking of Judd Apatow's comedy troupe, Paul Rudd has a running gag on Late Night with Conan O'Brien where instead of a clip from whatever movie he's promoting, he plays a clip from the 1988 movie Mac and Me, where the main character is seen rolling off a cliff in a wheelchair.

HAHAHAHAHA. Mac and Me! So awesome.

Michael Cera

And speaking of Michael Cera, here's another awesome video "Impossible is the Opposite of Possible" (and check out his website Clark and Michael).

Horses get periods.

At Golden Gate Fields yesterday, one of the hot topics was "Do female horses race? Do they get periods? If so what happens?" With my powers of internet research I found an informative Q&A:

Question: My mare has been in heat the past week and it was brought to my attention that in the past few days some blood has been coming out her vagina. Its this common or something to worry about?

Answer: Most mares do bleed a little bit during their heat cycles. It usually goes unnoticed due to fur color and such. I am guessing you have a very light colored horse, or her vaginal area is very light with pink skin. You can definately notice blood on my cremello mare when she comes into season. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but if she continues to bleed past her cycle, or seems to be bleeding in excess then I would call the vet out to double check. Also, if she will let you, wash her up back there every other day or so with a warm rag. I hope this helps, please let me know if you have other questions or concerns, and I will do the best I can to address them.

Land Pirates

A few years ago Annie and I went to Costa Rica, and we stayed away from the Caribbean side because of rumored "land pirates." We thought the phrase was funny but otherwise didn't think much of it. But when I told Jeff and Brendan about the land pirates last weekend, they asked a good question: "What's a land pirate?"

I didn't have an answer! In my head they were just regular robbers but with tattered clothes and maybe an eyepatch. Like when the pirate industry collapsed they turned to pickpocketing. Why did I not realize that made no sense?

I posed my land pirate question to several people. Brendan and Dan both think it's a type of highwayman. I don't think land pirates are highwaymen because there are no stagecoaches or British muskets in Costa Rica (plus - bad joke alert - Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Johnny Cash are too classy for that). Dan also added it could be a swashbuckler. That's not quite right either because a swashbuckler is basically a good guy, right? Like a jolly wit who wields the sword of justice? Also Costa Rica is too hot for the stirrup pants and boots of the highwayman or the swashbuckler.

I conclude land pirates are just robbers with awesome names. Pirates aren't totally anachronistic! Pirates are still around. This Wikipedia article lists a handful of interesting modern victims, including the murder of an environmentalist and yachtsman by Brazilian pirates in 2001 and an attack on an American yacht off Somalia in 2005.

And pirates if you're reading this, check out 826 Valencia in San Francisco. Maybe also give Colin Meloy a call with some new material.

I heart Sarah Silverman

While hosting the MTV movie awards tonight, Sarah told the following joke (with Paris Hilton in the audience):

"Paris Hilton goes to jail in a few days. She's receiving some special treatments. I heard they're painting the bars of her cell to look like penises. I hope she doesn't crack a tooth."

Far and Away

A new couple moved in downstairs today. They seemed young and cool. I pictured inviting them to our next party, having beers on the deck, and laughing about this or that.

That dream just died. You know why?

Enya's "Far and Away" has been playing on repeat for the last half an hour. Loudly.

You could say it's a habit.

Throughout my life I've seen nuns everywhere. In public. Randomly. Walking on the street, riding in cars, getting ice cream...

What does this MEAN? I turned to a dream dictionary, which said:

"For a woman to dream of nuns, foretells her widowhood, or her separation from her lover. If she dreams that she is a nun, it portends her discontentment with present environments. To see a dead nun, signifies despair over the unfaithfulness of loved ones, and impoverished fortune. For one to dream that she discards the robes of her order, foretells that longing for worldly pleasures will unfit her for her chosen duties."

Hold on. WHO DREAMS OF DEAD NUNS?

Germany or Florida?

There's a game on the Adam Carolla show I really enjoy. [FN1]

Germany or Florida originated from Adam's theory that all extremely strange stories come from either Germany or Florida. To play the game, you hear a story and guess the associated place.

Stories include things such as "A bank robber was caught when he tried to swim away with electronics" (Florida) or "During an airport search, a man's suitcase contained a midget and sex toys" (Germany). My rule of thumb is "white trash = Florida" and "bizarre sex = Germany." It works pretty well unless it's a drunk story, in which case all bets are off.

Recently I encountered two stories I thought perfect for Germany or Florida and then - guess what - they were both from Germany or Florida and they both involve drunks!! Take a stab:

(1) Drunk man stays overnight inside a bank...with a horse.

(2) Man receives DUI...in a wheelchair.

Answers found in the links obviously.

FN1: Why are people so surprised when I mention listening to Adam Carolla. I enjoy Adam and I enjoy Theresa and I even enjoy making disgusted faces and yelling at Danny Bonaduce. Maybe this should be another post completely. In that post I could discuss how I want to be friends with Adam, his wife, Jimmy Kimmel, and Sarah Silverman. Oh yeah this is definitely another post.