Guest Blogger: John Weber

Hi John Weber! I'm friends with Cheryl. Nice to meet you and hear about the awesome discovery you made last weekend:

I installed a ceiling exhaust fan for my wife's grandfather. While my brother-in-law and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell there was two solid inches of it right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels.

There were plenty more home furnishings where those came from, but I don't want to bore you with that. Instead, I will bore you with clothes. The clothes were fantastic.

Here's how to get your butt kicked on the golf course. This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block . Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your butt kicked in a meeting. If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

Here's how to get your butt kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day. Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, your search for VALUE ends at JC Penney's. As does your search for chest hair.

And this? Seriously. There are no words. Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are: What The FUCK!?! I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

John Weber, please guest blog with me again.