What do oil prices, satanism, and Gog (Russia) have in common? They predict the rapture!
The Rapture Index provides the prophetic speedometer of end-time activity. As of May 7, 2007 the rapture index was a 157 with a record high of 182 on September 24, 2001 and record low of 57 on December 12, 1993. The 157 number is down 2 points since the last calculation: Liberalism lost one in France when conservative Nicolas Sarkozy won; Draught lost one simply because a lack of activity downgraded that category.
Don't be Left Behind kids. Don't be left behind.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Redevelopment Fest
Linda: (in presentation, head slunk down, sleepy)
Presenter: "The Polanco Redevelopment Act is sausage......."
Linda: (head jerks up)
Presenter: ".....is like sausage....."
Linda: (looks furtively around for knowing eye contact)
Presenter: ".....you don't wanna know what went into it."
Presenter: "The Polanco Redevelopment Act is sausage......."
Linda: (head jerks up)
Presenter: ".....is like sausage....."
Linda: (looks furtively around for knowing eye contact)
Presenter: ".....you don't wanna know what went into it."
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Mom's Corner
Happy Six Months, Maggie! Mom sent a great email today for Mom's Corner!
"well maggie lou has been initiated into the dog world with two dog confrontations last week. she survived and has renewed confidence around dogs ever since; it's something a puppy will have to experience eventually. at a dog park a 120 pound retriever/chow mix and two huskies roughed her up and held her down (bites didn't break the skin) until she finally squirmed away and jumped up with her teeth nashing at the 120 pounder...i thought she'd get her head bitten off right then and there before i could get to her. however, after that the dogs left her alone and the other owners praised her/petted her (along with me, of course) for her bravery. i took her back the next day to observe her for fear, anger or excitement, and she was excited and more confident. sunday, rosie (next door crazy barking dog), ran out from her garage and attacked maggie while we were walking on the sidewalk. she knocked maggie down and had her jaws on maggie's throat while growling. it was REALLY SCARY!! the owner and we were yelling at rosie but she didn't listen. dad kicked rosie in the chest which knocked her off maggie. the owner told him to kick her, so he did. all this time maggie is on a leash and rosie is loose. laurie (owner) felt terrible since maggie is only a puppy. it was a great opportunity to talk with laurie about her dog's incessant barking and nashing of teeth to maggie through the fence, etc., since laurie asked how rosie reacts to maggie and us. i mentioned a barking collar and a dog specialist, since rosie is a very smart dog. i was shaking from fear and laurie felt so badly, but we had a really good, honest conversation. she'll keep rosie inside during the week of brother's wedding to keep rosie quiet too. later that night laurie stopped by with wrapped dog treats for maggie and to show us the barking collar she just purchased. she was in tears worrying whether maggie was hurt. i hugged her and said things would be fine. she is now asking us to inform her how the barking collar is working; it's already making a difference. i love hearing rosie struggling to bark now!!! ok...enough of that..."
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Cheesy Snacks
I've been veering into a dark place lately with all the talk of child molestation and drunk jews. Let's turn to something upbeat: cheesy snacks.
(5) Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar. These multigrain snacks are made from a special blend of whole wheat, corn, and other natural grains, then cooked until light and crispy. I purchase these when I get a meal deal at Subway. I prefer the Original flavor because I want to preserve the purity of the whole grain goodness, but when the blue package isn't an option I pick the orange and they're pretty darn good.
(4) Ritz Bitz Cracker Sandwiches Cheese. Smaller than your average Ritz, these tiny treats retain the flaky buttery Ritz texture we know and love while also cradling a powdery cheese filling. I remain unsure if the powdery filling has a texture of its own or if it just dissolves into one's mouth upon contact. I purchase these from my office vending machine when (3) or (1) are unavailable.
(3) Snyder's of Hanover Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Sandwiches. Snyder's instructs us to "Imagine real, tangy cheddar cheese sandwiched between two bite-size Pretzel Snaps." I say imagine the real, tangy cheddar is the same powdery texture as the Ritz Bitz but the taste is more like dark neon cheddar instead of light buttery cheddar. And instead of a pastry vibe from the Ritz Bitz you have the pretzel vibe of a Pretzel Snap. I purchase these from my office vending machine.
(2) Snyder's of Hanover Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces. Snyder's says "Generous chunks of our Sourdough Hard Pretzels bursting with intense flavor combinations... like the authentic taste of our Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces." Ignore the tautological rhetoric contained in Snyder's assertion that Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces taste like Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces. Focus instead on the bursting and the intense flavor. I eat these when I purchase them from Safeway or my corner market.*
(1) Munchies Cheese Fix. Wow I love these. The good people at Frito-Lay combined the cheese versions of four bestselling snacks: the Dorito; the Cheeto; the Rold Gold Pretzel; and the Sun Chip. Because why pick just one cheesy snack when you could have four, right? This is AMERICA for chrissakes. I purchase these pretty much all over.
*The only product rated herein that is not sold in an individual serving size.
(5) Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar. These multigrain snacks are made from a special blend of whole wheat, corn, and other natural grains, then cooked until light and crispy. I purchase these when I get a meal deal at Subway. I prefer the Original flavor because I want to preserve the purity of the whole grain goodness, but when the blue package isn't an option I pick the orange and they're pretty darn good.
(4) Ritz Bitz Cracker Sandwiches Cheese. Smaller than your average Ritz, these tiny treats retain the flaky buttery Ritz texture we know and love while also cradling a powdery cheese filling. I remain unsure if the powdery filling has a texture of its own or if it just dissolves into one's mouth upon contact. I purchase these from my office vending machine when (3) or (1) are unavailable.
(3) Snyder's of Hanover Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Sandwiches. Snyder's instructs us to "Imagine real, tangy cheddar cheese sandwiched between two bite-size Pretzel Snaps." I say imagine the real, tangy cheddar is the same powdery texture as the Ritz Bitz but the taste is more like dark neon cheddar instead of light buttery cheddar. And instead of a pastry vibe from the Ritz Bitz you have the pretzel vibe of a Pretzel Snap. I purchase these from my office vending machine.
(2) Snyder's of Hanover Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces. Snyder's says "Generous chunks of our Sourdough Hard Pretzels bursting with intense flavor combinations... like the authentic taste of our Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces." Ignore the tautological rhetoric contained in Snyder's assertion that Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces taste like Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces. Focus instead on the bursting and the intense flavor. I eat these when I purchase them from Safeway or my corner market.*
(1) Munchies Cheese Fix. Wow I love these. The good people at Frito-Lay combined the cheese versions of four bestselling snacks: the Dorito; the Cheeto; the Rold Gold Pretzel; and the Sun Chip. Because why pick just one cheesy snack when you could have four, right? This is AMERICA for chrissakes. I purchase these pretty much all over.
*The only product rated herein that is not sold in an individual serving size.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Wellbutrin = Horny?
I found this ad in the Craigslist M4W section. Yes, yes, I know, Linda browses the Craiglist personals?!? With all her sweet ladylike charms and rockin ass she doesn't have men throwing themselves at her left and right? Believe me she's as baffled as you are. But peruse she does, and today she found this:
Wellbutrin Boy seeks Wellbutrin Girl
I'm a college professor taking wellbutrin for adult ADD. I've developed the usual wellbutrin side-effect, and am looking for a girlfriend. I'm 38, very attractive (no really), I look like I'm about 24, 5'9", 155 lbs, intelligent, and reasonably fun. I'm not looking for a commitment or someone to go out with. I'm looking for someone to stay in with once or twice a week. If you're on prescription Wellbutrin, you know what I'm talking about. I'd like to find a nice, monogamous relationship with no plans on taking it further, but still be friends. I'm just too busy to date in the traditional sense. Very business-like ad, I know. But if you're an attractive female, 18-40, who's taking Wellbutrin, I'd love to get together.
We're going out Friday.
Wellbutrin Boy seeks Wellbutrin Girl
I'm a college professor taking wellbutrin for adult ADD. I've developed the usual wellbutrin side-effect, and am looking for a girlfriend. I'm 38, very attractive (no really), I look like I'm about 24, 5'9", 155 lbs, intelligent, and reasonably fun. I'm not looking for a commitment or someone to go out with. I'm looking for someone to stay in with once or twice a week. If you're on prescription Wellbutrin, you know what I'm talking about. I'd like to find a nice, monogamous relationship with no plans on taking it further, but still be friends. I'm just too busy to date in the traditional sense. Very business-like ad, I know. But if you're an attractive female, 18-40, who's taking Wellbutrin, I'd love to get together.
We're going out Friday.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Girl Talk
Men might be surprised how women talk when they hang out. Below are a few things said this weekend while my friend's sweet baby girl sat in our arms:
- What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The 8 year old in my trunk.
- What's the worst thing about having sex with children? Getting blood on your clownsuit.
- What's the best way to keep kids out of your yard? Molest them.
- What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson fucked little boys in the ass.
- I would say go fuck yourself but there's a baby in the room.
- I'm still flossing your seed from my teeth.
- You may remember my labia from 2000.
Katy on the New Orleans St. Patrick's Day Parade
"They toss all these things to bystanders, like beads and boas and toys...and vegetables...and babies. The babies are supposed to be Jesus. Everybody wanted the cabbages. We we were begging for them. We got like eight or nine cabbages."
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Horse of Battle, Horse of Ballet
Do you guys remember The "World Famous" Lippizzaner Stallions?
Apparently they're still around but when I saw a bumper sticker today (Dodge Caravan, natch) I received a flood of memories from the early 90's. My mom likes horses and I think she was really into them or something. I feel their popularity coincided with Faberge Eggs, but that could be my own magestic royal projection.
The "Equestrian Treat of the Century" includes:
Apparently they're still around but when I saw a bumper sticker today (Dodge Caravan, natch) I received a flood of memories from the early 90's. My mom likes horses and I think she was really into them or something. I feel their popularity coincided with Faberge Eggs, but that could be my own magestic royal projection.
The "Equestrian Treat of the Century" includes:
- A performance with "spectacular leaps and maneuvers, once used by riders in saddle to protect and defend themselves on the battlefield, which are now preserved as an equestrian work of art. When you see the Lipizzans perform, it is like stepping back four hundred years and viewing one of the greatest equine ballets in history."
- The Lipizzan horse, which is "a rare and unique breed; its history and culture is known worldwide. The Walt Disney movie The Miracle of the White Stallions, depicting General George S. Patton saving them at the end of World War II from certain extinction, created an even greater world-wide interest in the Lipizzaner breed. Had it not been for Patton, there would be no Lipizzans today."
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Credenza
If you use this word I'm pretty sure you're weird.
Today a client kept saying "It's on the credenza....I left it on the credenza under my window....Credenza." I cringed internally each time because, just, yuck. I feel the same way about davenports.
Today a client kept saying "It's on the credenza....I left it on the credenza under my window....Credenza." I cringed internally each time because, just, yuck. I feel the same way about davenports.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
