Here are the top ten comments and tips from today's post:
(10) I was a C-section, so there was no chance for such grossness with me. Only cutting flesh open, pulling it back like wallpaper, and shifting organs about. You know. The usual.
(9) Seeing my friend's fiancee not able to get off a couch because she had an 8 inch blood clot after her c-section made me die a little inside.
(8) My friend's mom craved dirt when she was pregnant with her. Dirt. More specifically she wanted red dirt. I don't know why she was hating on the other flavors of dirt, but whatevs.
(7) I think the first truly horrifying reality check about pregnancy came the day I learned in 9th grade health class about shitting during labor, tearing, and what 10 cm dilated really looks like. It was a trifecta of horror.
(6) A guy I work with was horrified about the thing where well, they cut something (cervix, vagina, not sure?) to make the baby come out easier. He came by my desk and asked me about it (why, not sure, I have no kids) and was all pale. He told me he thought they "just fell out."
(5) What about that gross mucus plug that comes out the last few weeks?? Uggggg.
(4) Ahh me too on the shitting during labor! All I could think was - "I can't believe so many husbands have watched their wives shit, camera-in-hand!"
(3) I threw up during labor. I also got extreme "morning sickness" from the second month until the seventh month. I threw up so much and so often that I began bleeding from the back of my throat every time I gagged. Oh and my insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the anti-nausea pills. It was the worth nine months of my life, but I'm happy with the end result. He's pretty rad.
(2) When my sister was in the midst of her ninth month she sent me a text message that read, "Thought my water broke this morning, but I just peed my pants."
(1) A friend and I told a male coworker about how sometimes babies poop in the womb (I think it is called merconium?). First he didn't believe us. Then he got upset. Then he yelled at the top of his lungs "Nobody is SHITTING inside MY WIFE!"
4 comments:
Not even sure where to begin...I could write my own blog just based on this one post.
BTW, episiotomies are unnecessary, most women don't poop, and What To Expect When Your Expecting sucks.
If I gave any amount of thought to these topics, I would never, ever have a baby. So instead, I just think about the 2 months of pregnancy when you aren't throwing up but yet still aren't the size of a double-wide trailer, and your partner has to go get you whatever snacks you say.
Wow Ace, how do you really feel?
I feel like you need to walk (be wheeled) into the delivery room like a highly trained boxer, throwing jabs, on your toes (in your wheelchair), all like "Bring it! It hurts so good."
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