Confusing Rant Triggered by High School Reunion and Overanalytical Nature

I went to my high school reunion last weekend. It triggered feelings of frustration I get periodically. Sometimes it's directed at Americans generally, sometimes at religious family members specifically. Always it results in me wanting to shake people and make them read, think, and learn.

The feeling is difficult to articulate but this time it was directed at a large group of girls I hung out with in junior high that now depress the holy hell out of me. They appear to have dumb husbands, work boring jobs (if at all), and devote a lot of energy to being thin and attractive. They're in Southern California, mind you. Their favorite hobbies are tract home decoration, chardonnay, and monthly girls' lunches at chain restaurants. They drive huge SUVs. No banter, no intelligence, no cleverness, no curiosity about the world, no desire to work in it and change it.

My frustration always comes with the desire to prove something. These women make me mad, nay, infuriated. This time around it has me in a tizzy of conflicting thoughts. Does feeling upset by other women mean I am as immature and insecure as I was in high school? Why does it bother me so much? How fucking arrogant am I to think I'm better than them? Where is the line between respecting women's choices and analyzing whether those choices are good for social progress?

Is utilitarianism applicable here? I would posit if they're all happy and content, there's no problem. But it's not that easy! How do we determine happiness? Even if they report happiness, how much of that is false consciousness or satisfaction of socially constructed desires? Can a person really be content with a certain life when the person never realized there were other lives that could be lived? Why am I am suddenly now about to quote John Stuart Mill and say "it is better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied"?

But then again don't studies show that women balancing stimulating yet demanding jobs with husbands and kids are more stressed or depressed than women that don't work or have less demanding jobs? Is that because even as women work outside the home they still do most of the work and coordination within it? If not, and it's just the job, aren't the statistics skewed by the fact that the women educated enough to realize social problems and vocalize their frustration are the ones with the more demanding jobs?

Speaking of working moms, I don't buy the whole "women at home is better for kids" thing. This stems from the 1950's, right? But women back then were not sitting around reading Dr. Seuss to their kids and pushing them on the swings. No. They were constantly cooking and cleaning and sewing. They also had so many kids that there was a lack of quality one-on-one time.

Why is the chick the default stay-at-homer? Having women as equal participants in the workforce benefits society. Beyond the obvious reason of tapping vast resources of unused brainpower and emotional intelligence, it benefits men because they don't have the sole breadwinning pressure and they won't die of heart attacks at 50 and they can work less and be greater participants in their families.

And back to kids again, magazine articles say my reproductive years may end sooner than I thought. What am I supposed to do with that fact? I'm so jealous men don't have that limit. Should I be jealous though? If men procreate later that just means they have to be older parents, and since the parenting is the hardest part is that really such an awesome gift? Maybe not.

How much do I care about having biological children anyway? I guess if I don't want kids until I'm 40, and I can't have them then, I'll just adopt. That's probably better for the world anyway. Population increase and environmentalism and all that. But how much would I miss the actual physical connection to a baby, like pregnancy and breastfeeding and stuff? Also how small, exactly, are these babies one procures through adoption? Are we talkin' a few weeks or a few months? What do those ages even mean in developmental terms? If I planned an adoption with a pregnant lady can I get the baby nice and early so it's still little and super-bondable?

Also WHY DID THIS TURN FROM RANTING ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL COLLEAGUES INTO MY CONCERNS ABOUT BONDING WITH MY BABY AND IS THIS MY SUBCONSCIOUS WANTING A BABY AND IF SO OH MY GOD, WHAT?