Happy J.Gold?

I got tagged to do this chain-post by the drunk jew blogger, J.Gold, of GoldyWorld. I feel this is an unfair assignment because J.Gold just tagged almost all the bloggers I know (and also because these can be annoying), but I will do it because I owe J.Gold many vodka beverages, because he gave me a very thoughtful birthday gift, and because I just called him a drunk jew.

The Rules:

1. I will write 10 "interesting" things about myself.

2. I'll tag 2 people. Not 10, not 5. If I tagged more I'd be stealing from EvilQueenMagda, R Blog, or the Jo-Tel.

3. If you've been tagged, you do your own list and tag more people. (Unless you don't want to, in which case take it up with the drunk jew at GoldyWorld).

My Facts:

1. I chew approximately 3-5 pieces of gum each day.
2. I am a crazy nail biter, but I limit it mostly to 2 nails.
3. I eat at least 1 apple a day. Preferably Gala, Fuji, or Braeburn.
4. Often I need to "stretch my eyes" and I open them really wide. Repeatedly.
5. Sometimes when a phrase has a nice cadence I tap the syllables out on my teeth.
6. Surprisingly, I've never been diagnosed OCD.
7. I just ate half a container of "Betty Crocker Coconut Pecan" frosting.
8. I love the rain. And trees. And climbing vines.
9. I love crafts involving paper and collage and stencils.
10. I love BART because of nights like tonight. On my ride home two black hip hop guys asked two white punk girls whether they were goth and the four of them held a sharp, witty, and articulate conversation about streed cred and image.

The Links:

R Blog
a modern epistolary

Quotes

I realize the blog is becoming me quoting other people and/or articles. Parroting might be my medium.

Yesterday at a party my co-worker started off a sentence with: "So I was feeding my cat roast beef...."

Shine Sweet Freedom

Kristen, Andrea, Kendra and I stumbled upon Michael McDonald as an inside joke during the holidays of 2005. We spent a really long time trying to identify Sweet Freedom by saying "Aaack! What's that song?!? Who sings that!?" We thought it was Kenny Loggins for a long time until we pinned The Doobie Brothers and realized it was Michael McDonald. We also realized I have an amazing knack for singing "we'll keep the spirit a-li-i-ive!, on and o-o-on," but I digress.

Since then I've seen many Michael McDonald references. In "40 Year Old Virgin," Paul Rudd's character was nearly driven to "Ya Mo Burn this place to the ground," because the Best Buy-type store constantly loops a Michael McDonald concert on its many televisions. Then I saw a VH1 I Love the 70's thing referencing Michael McDonald. At one point Karl joked "I'll be there. You could also say Ya Mo B There." Most recently, an episode of "30 Rock" had Tracy Morgan's character wanting to record Michael McDonald cover album. (To deliver the news that he didn't get copyright permission, the intern hums "What a Fool Believes" and says "Oh Tracy, you can't use any of my songs.")

One could argue Mikey McD is the best go-to funny musical act of recent history, possibly overtaking Phil Collins or even Barry Manilow. Here's some fun Wikipedia info:

• Michael McDonald is an American R&B/soul singer (sometimes described as a "blue-eyed soul" singer), known for his tall, physically attractive figure and his trademark husky baritone voice.
• He first gained wide attention as an adjunct member of the group Steely Dan.
• "I Keep Forgettin'," a duet with his sister Maureen, was later sampled by Warren G and Nate Dogg in the hugely popular "Regulate."
• He also sang "Eyes of a Child" (written by Trey Parker), the ending credits song satirizing his career and songs, for the 1999 animated film South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.
• Beginning in 2005, an Internet-based comedy series of video shorts called "Yacht Rock" has fictionalized the smooth songwriting exploits of McDonald and frequent collaborator Kenny Loggins.

Bob Saget

How much would you pay to see Bob Saget? He's playing at the Warfield here in San Francisco and when I went to buy tickets online they appeared to be $100. I ended up getting them for $38.50 which feels right in my heart but I wonder how high I would've gone. For what price comedy, my friends?

Mom's Corner

I asked Mom's permission to quote her on the blog. She said yes!

On dog grooming: "In the beginning we had Maggie groomed to acclimate her to the setting so she wouldn't be nervous or afraid. We frequently touched her eyes, tail, paws, nails and cleaned her ears and genitalia. Goldendoodles, like any long-haired dog, need hair trimmed around their genitalia to keep from infections (we're not comfortable doing that yet). Their ears need the wax to be wiped out, their nails clipped once in a while, and hair under the eyes can be trimmed when/if it grows up into the eyes. We haven't bathed her ourselves yet, but we will now that it's warmer and she can dry outside au naturale. We also wanted to find a groomer that left her with the scruffy look, so that we'd know how to do that ourselves. Puppies really don't have to be bathed often, so I use johnson & johnson's baby shampoo so her skin won't dry out. Maybe all of this SHOULD be in a blog!!! ...heck, ya, put me down for blogging :). "

"In a World...."

You know those annoying dramatic voiceovers from movie previews that start out basically: IN A WORLD.....where Tom Cruise battles aliens/ where Cary Elwes is a psycho killer/where Dakota Fanning gets raped?

I totally had that voice in mind today when I received the following email from J.Crew:

"Style Tip: Add a Monogram

There are 101 reasons to monogram...
we just thought of one more.

(Mother's Day is May 13th)"

Yo Soy Shortie

Last Sunday when I was pumping gas some huge dude in a beige velour sweatsuit, with several gold teeth, and driving a fancy Escalade was like "Hey cutie, how's it going? You live around here? Noe Valley is nice. I live in Bernal myself. You a student? You seem like a student. What's your name? You Scandanavian? Yeah. I played basketball in Europe for 20 years so I KNOW you look like it. Blonde cutie. You like basketball? I got tickets, we'll go. Professional ball. No? Okay, it's all good. (Pause). We all good? We all good. You have a great day cutie."

Then the Escalade made a comically tiny honk when it exited the gas station.

In Uteri

Today. Mexico legalized abortion. This is good news because it previously allowed abortion only in cases of rape, severe birth defects, or if the woman's life was at risk. Doctors sometimes refused to perform the procedure even under those circumstances. The new law will require city hospitals to provide the procedure through the end of the first trimester and opens the way for private abortion clinics.

Last Week. The New York Times addressed FDA approval of a birth control pill that eliminates periods as long as the woman takes it. The article chronicled the mixed reactions.

The positive reactions included:

• cool my period is annoying;
• the periods women have on regular birth control pills are not real periods anyway because the pill prevents release of eggs and buildup of uterine lining; and
• "company-financed research indicating that women often feel less effective at work and school during their periods. They limit sexual activity and exercise, wear dark clothes and stay home more, resulting in absenteeism... Menstrual suppression may be particularly appealing to women who suffer severe pain, heavy bleeding or emotional problems during their periods" (taken, I assume, from 50's Home Economics slideshow).

The negative reactions were things like:

• periods are not a sickness that must be cured;
• are there risks associated with a hormone cycle less like the 28-day natural one;
• periods provide comfort that one is not pregnant;
• periods are a part of womanhood; and
• Anne Frank mused in her diary "I have the feeling that in spite of all the pain, unpleasantness and nastiness I have a sweet secret" (oh good, I was wondering what Anne Frank thought).

I'm conflicted because I think birth control pills were hugely important to women. They freed married women from the chain of baby baby baby, and they allowed single women to control their sex lives with less fear of getting knocked up and chastized. The pills basically took the wind out of the "biology as destiny" sails.

Reading the article, however, I started having all these Handmaid's Tale/Brave New World style thoughts about a future in which periods are eliminated. It creeps me out frankly. What if women who bled couldn't get jobs because they were perceived to be emotional and unfit for the workplace? Or what if women who bled couldn't get men? It really suits the societal trend to deem attractive that which is not really woman but child. We already receive the message that to be attractive we should eliminate our armpit hair, pubic hair, hips, and curves because men can only get it up for prepubescent children (silicone aside). Now we have to make sure we don't get our fucking periods? What is that bullshit?

Frank "Ponch" Poncherello

LOS ANGELES -- Erik Estrada has received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Estrada, best known for playing California Highway Patrol Officer Frank "Ponch" Poncherello in "CHiPs" was accompanied by family members, comedian Paul Rodriguez and highway patrol officials during a Thursday afternoon ceremony.

The 58-year-old said his appearance on "CHiPs" satisfied two of his dreams. "One, of course, a certain amount of success in the entertainment business, for which I really am extremely grateful and I'm very proud," Estrada said. "But equally important, it represents my childhood dream of becoming a police officer."

Found Items: Target

This afternoon I found the following in a bathroom stall at the Daly City Target:

(1) Diaper; and

(2) Target-brand pregnancy test