Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Way I See It
I got some Starbucks recently [FN1], and the cup said:
# 275 When I wake up in the morning, I want to know that my family, friends and fans know what I believe in and what I'm all about. That's what should be important. -- Robert Randolph (Musician. His songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music TM station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
I love that this dude is talking about his art and its authenticity on a Starbucks cup near a promotion for Starbucks XM. Has he no self-consciousness? And he's not alone! There are a few more entertaining musicians talking about their art on paper cups that yuppies will purchase from the chain coffee shop and throw in the trash without reading. Examples:
#260 Playing in an independent rock band will eventually make you equal parts truck driver, gladiator and mule. Glamour is for those with trust funds. -- Neko Case (Musician. Her songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music™ station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
# 268 Music is what I always turn to when I’m feeling a certain way. It’s my reason for everything. -- Josh Groban (Musician. His songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music™ station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
# 281 I’ve never bought the “lowest common denominator” image of popular art. Too many artists worry that popularity is the same as being “middle of the road.” I’m much more into the idea that the middle is the highest point. On a map, the center of a mountain is its peak. You need to climb very high to get there. -- Dan Wilson (Musician. His songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music™ station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
[FN1] Do you say "a coffee" or "coffee"? It feels weird to me to say "let's get a coffee."
# 275 When I wake up in the morning, I want to know that my family, friends and fans know what I believe in and what I'm all about. That's what should be important. -- Robert Randolph (Musician. His songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music TM station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
I love that this dude is talking about his art and its authenticity on a Starbucks cup near a promotion for Starbucks XM. Has he no self-consciousness? And he's not alone! There are a few more entertaining musicians talking about their art on paper cups that yuppies will purchase from the chain coffee shop and throw in the trash without reading. Examples:
#260 Playing in an independent rock band will eventually make you equal parts truck driver, gladiator and mule. Glamour is for those with trust funds. -- Neko Case (Musician. Her songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music™ station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
# 268 Music is what I always turn to when I’m feeling a certain way. It’s my reason for everything. -- Josh Groban (Musician. His songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music™ station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
# 281 I’ve never bought the “lowest common denominator” image of popular art. Too many artists worry that popularity is the same as being “middle of the road.” I’m much more into the idea that the middle is the highest point. On a map, the center of a mountain is its peak. You need to climb very high to get there. -- Dan Wilson (Musician. His songs can be heard on Starbucks Hear Music™ station, XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.)
[FN1] Do you say "a coffee" or "coffee"? It feels weird to me to say "let's get a coffee."
Monday, November 12, 2007
Mom's Corner
"Here are some photos of Maggie since she'll be a BIG 1-year old on Monday. It seems like only yesterday we were cradling a tiny, helpless furball. Maggie recently went to the feed store with me - it had many cages filled with pigeons and small birds. Maggie sat mesmerized by them as she stared intently. (Maybe poodles have some bird dog genes?)"
No I don't know why the pictures have white like that. Yes that is my mother wearing a devil mask and making a peace sign.
No I don't know why the pictures have white like that. Yes that is my mother wearing a devil mask and making a peace sign.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
More on eels.
And here is some stuff John Hodgman wrote about eels:
Eels, any schoolchild knows, were the true main course at the Pilgrims' first Thanksgiving, largely because the eels themselves had eaten all the turkeys. While it's difficult to imagine now, because they are so disgusting and now so rare, eels played a critical role in the economy and culture of colonial New England. Once our nation's rivers were glossy and black with majestic herds of eels, but they proved too tempting as a food source, and many found them to be just too spooky to tolerate. What eels were not eaten were often killed out of sheer angry terror. By the time Benjamin Franklin, that famous turkey-lover, began attacking eels in a series of vicious aphorisms in his almanacs, they had alrady largely disappeared from the landscape and recorded history.
And here is a video of a moray eel biting off a man's finger:
gameoven.com
Eels, any schoolchild knows, were the true main course at the Pilgrims' first Thanksgiving, largely because the eels themselves had eaten all the turkeys. While it's difficult to imagine now, because they are so disgusting and now so rare, eels played a critical role in the economy and culture of colonial New England. Once our nation's rivers were glossy and black with majestic herds of eels, but they proved too tempting as a food source, and many found them to be just too spooky to tolerate. What eels were not eaten were often killed out of sheer angry terror. By the time Benjamin Franklin, that famous turkey-lover, began attacking eels in a series of vicious aphorisms in his almanacs, they had alrady largely disappeared from the landscape and recorded history.
And here is a video of a moray eel biting off a man's finger:
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Punky Brewster Spider
In Fayetteville over Halloween, I watched several Roseanne Halloween specials. Them's good times. I like a woman who both sasses and scares her children. This triggered Karl's memory of that Punky Brewster episode with the huge creepy spider. Do you remember that?!? What the hell was that all about? I think it had something to do with Indian spirits and cave exploration and then a huge spider pops out. Totally gave me nightmares.
Other things that bothered young Linda include:
Other things that bothered young Linda include:
- Thriller
- Return to Oz
- Scooby Doo
- Amazing Stories
- Clue
- Howard the Duck
- Dean Koontz
- Bloody Mary
- Poltergeist III (This one stuck with me. I cannot be near a mirror at night.)
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
It's Linda, bitch.
Sorry for going on vacation and not telling you. I'm sure your fingers are all raw from refreshing this site over and over and over, drooling in wide-eyed expectation.
I had fun in Memphis with Kristen, who was nice enough to fly her awesomeness down from Brooklyn. Then I spent the best week ever in Fayetteville, Arkansas with my brother Hot Karl and sister-in-law Melissa. So much maxin and relaxin with movies and books and walks. Oh the walks! All fall foliage and brick cuteness and fireplace smells and crunching leaves.
I was there for Halloween. We dressed as a half-assed Three's Company but we arrived at the bar with their Ukranian friend Dmytro who was dressed like an Amish person. I suggested two ladies in "Sexy Uncreative Girl" costumes pose with him. Dmytro loves I Love Lucy and used to have a hamster named Sunshine, so you can guess how comfortable he was. [FN1]
Dmytro was nice enough to drive me to the Clinton House Museum the next day. It's their first little house here when they were both professing the law at University of Arkansas and Bill started his first campaigns. The museum had an overeager tour guide along as well as pictures, articles, and some awesome old campaign videos ("Tired of high prices for your greens and beans? Forget what pork and roast beef means?). In many pictures Bill looks completely smitten with Hillary and the only home furnishings were cinder block bookshelves and tons of books. And a bed for their overachieving and cerebral love. The house itself has a cute story: One day Bill was driving Hillary to the airport and she said in passing "That's a cute house." When she returned from vacation he said "I bought that house you liked. And I can't live there alone so you'll have to marry me." Oh Bill! Such a charmer.
[FN1] The slut on the left has a little Amy Winehouse in the face, no?
I had fun in Memphis with Kristen, who was nice enough to fly her awesomeness down from Brooklyn. Then I spent the best week ever in Fayetteville, Arkansas with my brother Hot Karl and sister-in-law Melissa. So much maxin and relaxin with movies and books and walks. Oh the walks! All fall foliage and brick cuteness and fireplace smells and crunching leaves.
I was there for Halloween. We dressed as a half-assed Three's Company but we arrived at the bar with their Ukranian friend Dmytro who was dressed like an Amish person. I suggested two ladies in "Sexy Uncreative Girl" costumes pose with him. Dmytro loves I Love Lucy and used to have a hamster named Sunshine, so you can guess how comfortable he was. [FN1]
Dmytro was nice enough to drive me to the Clinton House Museum the next day. It's their first little house here when they were both professing the law at University of Arkansas and Bill started his first campaigns. The museum had an overeager tour guide along as well as pictures, articles, and some awesome old campaign videos ("Tired of high prices for your greens and beans? Forget what pork and roast beef means?). In many pictures Bill looks completely smitten with Hillary and the only home furnishings were cinder block bookshelves and tons of books. And a bed for their overachieving and cerebral love. The house itself has a cute story: One day Bill was driving Hillary to the airport and she said in passing "That's a cute house." When she returned from vacation he said "I bought that house you liked. And I can't live there alone so you'll have to marry me." Oh Bill! Such a charmer.
[FN1] The slut on the left has a little Amy Winehouse in the face, no?
Memphian Delights
I tried hard to find funny stories during my trip to the Southland. Unfortunately the people were not as obese as I'd hoped, plus they were incredibly nice and race relations seemed to have a bonding-of-proximity totally lacking here in lilly white San Francisco. Thanks for not conforming to my stereotypes, assholes.
But the motel was awesome. You will recall our hotel troubles and Red Roof Inn reservations. It ended up being fine even though it could've been Anywhere, USA and we slept under thin floral bedspreads with flourescent lighting. All of my front desk encounters were great.
On the day we arrived, the front desk lady was a large white woman with a gold-plated grill. She did not enjoy helping customers. At all. I walked up to her and opened my mouth as if to speak. She arched her eyebrows, placed one index finger in the air, and mouthed for me to "hold on". She was busy telling somebody on the line how to defrost chicken breasts. The ones from the freezer. Just pull em out and put em in the microwave. Like a few minutes. Until they warm. Then bread em and just fry em up. She'll be home when she gets home.
Our key cards said "Room Service? Call Domino's!!!" in an awesome party font printed diagonally (which is totally the way to convey fun!!!). Anyway. One night we arrived home and wanted pizza. Kristen called Domino's. Nope. Closed at 2:00. Kristen called Papa John's. Nope. Closed at 2:00. We debated whether the motel had any food other than the soda vending machines. I called the front desk and very drunkenly and seriously asked whether "this hotel has any food items that are not soda pop." This night attendant, bless her heart, answered with equal seriousness "we have fruit punch...and Lipton tea."
Oh and on the morning I left I wanted to use the one computer in the lobby. First I had to wait for the front desk attendant to get off it. Then I had to move her half-eaten danish OFF THE KEYBOARD.
But the motel was awesome. You will recall our hotel troubles and Red Roof Inn reservations. It ended up being fine even though it could've been Anywhere, USA and we slept under thin floral bedspreads with flourescent lighting. All of my front desk encounters were great.
On the day we arrived, the front desk lady was a large white woman with a gold-plated grill. She did not enjoy helping customers. At all. I walked up to her and opened my mouth as if to speak. She arched her eyebrows, placed one index finger in the air, and mouthed for me to "hold on". She was busy telling somebody on the line how to defrost chicken breasts. The ones from the freezer. Just pull em out and put em in the microwave. Like a few minutes. Until they warm. Then bread em and just fry em up. She'll be home when she gets home.
Our key cards said "Room Service? Call Domino's!!!" in an awesome party font printed diagonally (which is totally the way to convey fun!!!). Anyway. One night we arrived home and wanted pizza. Kristen called Domino's. Nope. Closed at 2:00. Kristen called Papa John's. Nope. Closed at 2:00. We debated whether the motel had any food other than the soda vending machines. I called the front desk and very drunkenly and seriously asked whether "this hotel has any food items that are not soda pop." This night attendant, bless her heart, answered with equal seriousness "we have fruit punch...and Lipton tea."
Oh and on the morning I left I wanted to use the one computer in the lobby. First I had to wait for the front desk attendant to get off it. Then I had to move her half-eaten danish OFF THE KEYBOARD.
Funny snippets of conversations involving animals.
Karl: (By way of initially greeting Linda, picks up a small cat and places it upon Linda's head) "This is Rupee. She's the coolest of our animals."
Melissa: "Rupee's butthole always looks weird."
Karl: "Before we leave for dinner, let's look at the ferrets at Petco."
Linda: "Oh fuck. Moray eels are totally weird. Their faces! Next year I'm gonna be a morey eel for Halloween, and the entire costume will be the rocks, including over my head, and then my face will just be a moray eel mask popping out of a small cavern." [FN1]
[FN1] Subsequent thoughts: Can a moray eel come loose from its rocks? What do their bodies even look like? How fast can they go? I fear I'm asking question to which I want no answers.
Melissa: "Rupee's butthole always looks weird."
Karl: "Before we leave for dinner, let's look at the ferrets at Petco."
Linda: "Oh fuck. Moray eels are totally weird. Their faces! Next year I'm gonna be a morey eel for Halloween, and the entire costume will be the rocks, including over my head, and then my face will just be a moray eel mask popping out of a small cavern." [FN1]
[FN1] Subsequent thoughts: Can a moray eel come loose from its rocks? What do their bodies even look like? How fast can they go? I fear I'm asking question to which I want no answers.
Mom's Corner
(1) October 31, 2007: "Happy Halloween! You've been mooned!"
(2) November 6, 2007: "Maggie and I are leaving now to do a couple errands together...getting a fido shocker to keep her away from new plants along the fenceline (one shock will probably do it) and to get Gretyl some adult cat food at Petco...I took Gretyl into the vet this morning since her backend seemed sensitive to touch. I wasn't sure if it was a hip issue or a skin issue...it was a severe skin issue so a healthier diet will help her feel better. The vet had to sedate her in order to bathe her, but Gretyl will feel really good when she wakes up. That's her first bath in 10 1/2 years! Initially, the vet sprayed a feline aroma into the crate which created a 'motherly' scent. Gretyl walked out of the crate and sat next to the vet while she got pet!! I could not believe my eyes! This vet bill will be worth its $$ just to see Gretyl so pleasant!!"
(2) November 6, 2007: "Maggie and I are leaving now to do a couple errands together...getting a fido shocker to keep her away from new plants along the fenceline (one shock will probably do it) and to get Gretyl some adult cat food at Petco...I took Gretyl into the vet this morning since her backend seemed sensitive to touch. I wasn't sure if it was a hip issue or a skin issue...it was a severe skin issue so a healthier diet will help her feel better. The vet had to sedate her in order to bathe her, but Gretyl will feel really good when she wakes up. That's her first bath in 10 1/2 years! Initially, the vet sprayed a feline aroma into the crate which created a 'motherly' scent. Gretyl walked out of the crate and sat next to the vet while she got pet!! I could not believe my eyes! This vet bill will be worth its $$ just to see Gretyl so pleasant!!"
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