(Courtesy of Jeff)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I think the CHP uses this test.
J: I can drive.
B: You CAN'T drive.
J: What?
B: I saw the way you were acting.
J: What?
B: Climbing on boulders...
J: I always do that.
B: But this time it was more joyously.
B: You CAN'T drive.
J: What?
B: I saw the way you were acting.
J: What?
B: Climbing on boulders...
J: I always do that.
B: But this time it was more joyously.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
A quote.
From Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer:
"You are very funny, Jonathan."
"No. That's the last thing I want to be."
"Why? To be funny is a great thing."
"No it's not."
"Why is this?"
"I used to think that humor was the only way to appreciate how wonderful and terrible the world is, to celebrate how big life is. You know what I mean?"
"Yes, of course."
"But now I think it's the opposite. Humor is a way of shrinking from that wonderful and terrible world."
"Inform me more about when you were young, Jonathan."
He made more laughing.
"Why do you laugh?"
He laughed again.
"Inform me."
"You are very funny, Jonathan."
"No. That's the last thing I want to be."
"Why? To be funny is a great thing."
"No it's not."
"Why is this?"
"I used to think that humor was the only way to appreciate how wonderful and terrible the world is, to celebrate how big life is. You know what I mean?"
"Yes, of course."
"But now I think it's the opposite. Humor is a way of shrinking from that wonderful and terrible world."
"Inform me more about when you were young, Jonathan."
He made more laughing.
"Why do you laugh?"
He laughed again.
"Inform me."
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The Love Cab
I plopped into a cab tonight after a few blue-cheese-stuffed-olive martinis and it was lined with multi-colored small-bulb christmas lights that ran into the center and made a beautiful heart. Also, there were many silk roses with plastic dewdrops. The driver was (naturally) a man with a dark leather jacket and sideburns who played KOIT's "Love Songs after Dark" with zero irony and spoke with a Central American lisp a la Fez on That 70's Show. When I noted "Wow, it's very romantic in here," he proudly replied "Yes, the passengers love it, a gentleman liked my cab so much he gave a woman the diamond in the vehicle on Valentine's Day."
When I asked for a picture, he said "Get down on your knees so you can get it all." [FN1]
When I asked for a picture, he said "Get down on your knees so you can get it all." [FN1]
[FN1] If I had a nickel for every time...
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Emilie du Chatelet
She was a French mathematician, physicist, and author in the 1700's. She broke some rules. She got busy with famous brains of the time (including Voltaire, y'all). Thanks for the tip, Katie!
Childhood. Emilie was awkward and showed no signs of growing up to be beautiful, so she was given lessons in fencing, riding, and gymnastics to improve her coordination [FN1]. She was remarkably well educated for the time: she learned a lot of math, science, and literature; she danced, played harpsichord, sang opera, and acted; she was fluent in Latin, Italian, Greek, and German (she later translated Greek and Latin plays and philosophy into French). She was also a high-stakes gambler, and although she used her mathematical skills to lay out strategy, she once lost the equivalent of $1million at the table at Fontainebleau, assumedly to card cheats.
Work. In 1737 she published her research into the science of fire, which predicted what is today known as infra-red radiation and the nature of light. In 1740 she published a book with new ideas on science and philosophy that sought to reconcile complex ideas from the leading thinkers of the time. In the book she combined theories to show that the energy of a moving object is proportional to its mass and the square of its velocity (E ~ mv²), and not directly proportional, as had previously been believed by Newton, Voltaire, and others. The correct formula was later shown to be Ek = (1/2) mv². In 1749 she completed her outstanding achievement by translating into French -- ith her own commentary-- Newton's Principia Mathematica, including her derivation from its principles of mechanics the notion of conservation of energy.
Education. Emilie was excluded from the University education that was open to male students. Additionally, she was asked to leave the cafes where intellectuals met and talked because of the "men only" custom of the time. She had a suit of men's clothing made and reappeared in that.
Marriage. In 1725 (at 19) she married a Marquis. After bearing three children, she considered her marital responsibilities fulfilled and arranged with her husband to live separate lives while still maintaining one household. In the upper classes of France at the time, it was acceptable for both the husband and wife to take lovers.
Liason: Duc de Richelieu. In 1730, she started a 1.5 year affair with the Duc de Richelieu. The Duc was interested in literature and philosophy, Emilie was one of the few women who could converse at his level. She read every book of consequence, attended the theater regularly, and enjoyed intellectual debate. She expressed an interest in the works of Issac Newton and he encouraged her to take lessons in higher mathematics to better understand his theories.
Liason: Voltaire. From 1733-1748, she had a relationship with Voltaire. The Duc de Richelieu and Voltaire were close personal friends. Emilie wrote to him saying, "Why did you never tell me that M. de Voltaire is the paragon of Men?" Emilie invited Voltaire to live in her country house in northeastern France, and she became his long-time companion under the eyes of her tolerant husband. There she studied physics and mathematics and published scientific articles and translations. The couple collected a library of 21,000 books, which was the equivalent of a university library at the time. They spoke in English when they argued.
Both Voltaire and Emilie had a desire to discover Truth and to write about their findings. They both wanted to make an impact on the world. Their bond was based on their work and how they supported one another. Judging from Voltaire's letters to friends and their commentaries on each other's work, they lived together with great mutual liking and respect. Voltaire once declared that Emilie was "a great man whose only fault was being a woman."
Liason: Jean Francois de Saint-Lambert. From 1748 until her death, she had an affair with the seductive (young) poet Jean Francois de Saint-Lambert. She became pregnant in her early 40's. In a letter to a friend she confided her fears that, because of her age, she would not survive the pregnancy. Emilie bore the child, but died three days later at the age of 42.
When she died, Voltaire wrote "It is not a mistress I have lost but half of myself, a soul for which my soul seems to have been made."
Childhood. Emilie was awkward and showed no signs of growing up to be beautiful, so she was given lessons in fencing, riding, and gymnastics to improve her coordination [FN1]. She was remarkably well educated for the time: she learned a lot of math, science, and literature; she danced, played harpsichord, sang opera, and acted; she was fluent in Latin, Italian, Greek, and German (she later translated Greek and Latin plays and philosophy into French). She was also a high-stakes gambler, and although she used her mathematical skills to lay out strategy, she once lost the equivalent of $1million at the table at Fontainebleau, assumedly to card cheats.
Work. In 1737 she published her research into the science of fire, which predicted what is today known as infra-red radiation and the nature of light. In 1740 she published a book with new ideas on science and philosophy that sought to reconcile complex ideas from the leading thinkers of the time. In the book she combined theories to show that the energy of a moving object is proportional to its mass and the square of its velocity (E ~ mv²), and not directly proportional, as had previously been believed by Newton, Voltaire, and others. The correct formula was later shown to be Ek = (1/2) mv². In 1749 she completed her outstanding achievement by translating into French -- ith her own commentary-- Newton's Principia Mathematica, including her derivation from its principles of mechanics the notion of conservation of energy.
Education. Emilie was excluded from the University education that was open to male students. Additionally, she was asked to leave the cafes where intellectuals met and talked because of the "men only" custom of the time. She had a suit of men's clothing made and reappeared in that.
Marriage. In 1725 (at 19) she married a Marquis. After bearing three children, she considered her marital responsibilities fulfilled and arranged with her husband to live separate lives while still maintaining one household. In the upper classes of France at the time, it was acceptable for both the husband and wife to take lovers.
Liason: Duc de Richelieu. In 1730, she started a 1.5 year affair with the Duc de Richelieu. The Duc was interested in literature and philosophy, Emilie was one of the few women who could converse at his level. She read every book of consequence, attended the theater regularly, and enjoyed intellectual debate. She expressed an interest in the works of Issac Newton and he encouraged her to take lessons in higher mathematics to better understand his theories.
Liason: Voltaire. From 1733-1748, she had a relationship with Voltaire. The Duc de Richelieu and Voltaire were close personal friends. Emilie wrote to him saying, "Why did you never tell me that M. de Voltaire is the paragon of Men?" Emilie invited Voltaire to live in her country house in northeastern France, and she became his long-time companion under the eyes of her tolerant husband. There she studied physics and mathematics and published scientific articles and translations. The couple collected a library of 21,000 books, which was the equivalent of a university library at the time. They spoke in English when they argued.
Both Voltaire and Emilie had a desire to discover Truth and to write about their findings. They both wanted to make an impact on the world. Their bond was based on their work and how they supported one another. Judging from Voltaire's letters to friends and their commentaries on each other's work, they lived together with great mutual liking and respect. Voltaire once declared that Emilie was "a great man whose only fault was being a woman."
Liason: Jean Francois de Saint-Lambert. From 1748 until her death, she had an affair with the seductive (young) poet Jean Francois de Saint-Lambert. She became pregnant in her early 40's. In a letter to a friend she confided her fears that, because of her age, she would not survive the pregnancy. Emilie bore the child, but died three days later at the age of 42.
When she died, Voltaire wrote "It is not a mistress I have lost but half of myself, a soul for which my soul seems to have been made."
[FN1] You know the old saying "If a man cannot have beauty, he chooses coordination"? Neither do I. It makes no sense.
Rad Bitches
I write the "rad bitches" profiles because I'm fascinated by old timey rebellious or progressive women. I'm thirsty for untraditional role models. I like knowing my life can be a deliriously interesting rush of foreign travels, books, and love affairs if I never hit the marriage-mortgage-kids trifecta.
Book tips appreciated! Specifically biographies or anthologies of such women.
Book tips appreciated! Specifically biographies or anthologies of such women.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Police Dogs to Wear Shoes
High rate of paw injuries on duty is the impetus behind the canine footwear.
BERLIN - Police dogs in the western city of Duesseldorf will soon be equipped with blue plastic fiber shoes. "I'm not sure they like it, but they'll have to get used to it," Andre Hartwich said.
The unusual footwear is not a fashion statement, but rather a necessity due to the high rate of paw injuries on duty. Especially in the city's historical old town — famous for both its pubs and drunken revelers — the dogs often step into broken beer bottles.
"Even the street-cleaning doesn't manage to remove all the glass pieces from between the streets' cobble stones," Hartwich said, adding that the dogs frequently get injured by little pieces sticking deep in their paws.
The shoes comes in sizes small, medium and large and were ordered in blue to match the officers uniforms.
"Now we just have to teach the dogs how to tie their shoes," Hartwich joked.
BERLIN - Police dogs in the western city of Duesseldorf will soon be equipped with blue plastic fiber shoes. "I'm not sure they like it, but they'll have to get used to it," Andre Hartwich said.
The unusual footwear is not a fashion statement, but rather a necessity due to the high rate of paw injuries on duty. Especially in the city's historical old town — famous for both its pubs and drunken revelers — the dogs often step into broken beer bottles.
"Even the street-cleaning doesn't manage to remove all the glass pieces from between the streets' cobble stones," Hartwich said, adding that the dogs frequently get injured by little pieces sticking deep in their paws.
The shoes comes in sizes small, medium and large and were ordered in blue to match the officers uniforms.
"Now we just have to teach the dogs how to tie their shoes," Hartwich joked.
I want it now.
Today I booked tickets to Morocco. Whee! If you have taken a cooking class in Marrakesh, trekked the High Atlas Mountains, or ridden a camel in the Sahara, please provide recommendations.
Drunk History
Volume 1 (starring Michael Cera)
Volume 2 (starring Jack Black)
Volume 3 (starring Jack Black)
Volume 2 (starring Jack Black)
Volume 3 (starring Jack Black)
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