Linda's brother Hot Karl is having the best summer ever.
First he married a rocking chick. (Hey thanks for the rad sister-in-law by the way). Then, he went on a neat honeymoon in St. Lucia. Then, he scored a very cool urban planning dream job in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Finally, he JOINED A SCOOTER CLUB.
He wrote: I met with a local scooter club tonight for a ride and hangout session. They're a month old. They meet at this coffee shop at 7 pm and then go for a ride around town, hitting all the main roads and popular hangout places for maybe a 15-mile ride, honking and pissing off traffic with our convoy all the way. It ends at this cheesy sports bar/pizzeria called HOG WILD where everyone hangs out and talks about the scootin' life. There were 27 people tonight, including a local TV weatherguy, the Heisman candidate star runningback for the Razorbacks, and for some reason a few old gay Navy guys. Soooo fun, I will join again next week.
I wrote: Your life is like totally and completely awesome this summer, huh? I'm glad. I also request a good scootin' when I visit.
He wrote: And yes life is super this summer...You can scoot around on that thing all you want. I was one of maybe four mopeds in the group. Mopeds are way better than scooters by the way. Scooters don't have any badass rap groups from Chicago rappin about how much they rule, for instance:
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Woot!
I read two pieces of news today that kinda made me fall in love with Hillary Clinton.
(1) Senatorial Cleavage. I read she'd flaunted some cleavage on the Senate floor last week. The pictures aren't sexual at all, but they do show her rocking a hot pink jacket with a black camisole and - yes - a bit of cleavage. My initial response was "Wow she's wearing that and still looks badass and professional. Should I consider pink at work?" It made her look human and warm and like a regular woman. You go Hill.
(2) Youthful Overanalysis. Some old high school friend of Hillary's recently provided the New York Times with letters from their early-college pen pal days. She seems so bright and zesty in these letters. She also has a wry observational tone that makes me want to go get drunk and talk about Life and Changing The World with young H.Dawg. Some snippets include:
“Sunday was lethargic from the beginning as I wallowed in a morass of general and specific dislike and pity for most people but me especially."
“Can you be a misanthrope and still love or enjoy some individuals? How about a compassionate misanthrope?”
“Are you satisfied with the part you have cast yourself in? It seems that you have decided to become a reactor rather than actor — everything around will determine your life.”
“God, I feel so divorced from Park Ridge, parents, home, the entire unreality of middle class America. This all sounds so predictable, but it’s true.”
“I’d play out in the patch of sunlight that broke the density of the elms in front of our house and pretend there were heavenly movie cameras watching my every move. I yearn for all the excitement and discoveries of life without losing the little girl in the sunlight. You’ll probably think I’m retreating from the world back to the sunlight in an attempt to dream my child’s movie."
Ohhh poor baby.
My boyfriend Stephen Colbert broke his wrist on the set last week.
"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how it happened," the mock right-wing talk-show host told his audience. "My director Jimmy is suggesting I might have broken my wrist ... before the show."
Slow-motion footage was then shown of Colbert running around the set to "pump up" the crowd. Beyonce Knowles' "Ring the Alarm" was played over the footage, alluding to her recent fall. As Colbert rounded his desk and headed to high-five his audience, he slipped and fell backward.
"Yeah, that might have been it," he deadpanned.
"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how it happened," the mock right-wing talk-show host told his audience. "My director Jimmy is suggesting I might have broken my wrist ... before the show."
Slow-motion footage was then shown of Colbert running around the set to "pump up" the crowd. Beyonce Knowles' "Ring the Alarm" was played over the footage, alluding to her recent fall. As Colbert rounded his desk and headed to high-five his audience, he slipped and fell backward.
"Yeah, that might have been it," he deadpanned.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Show that you're a catch!
I found some article the other day about the Top 5 things to talk about on a first date. My comments are found below in italics (the jazz hands of fonts).
1. Whatever you’re passionate about. Maybe it’s your love of art and culture. Or history. Or tropical bird-watching. Anything, in fact, except celebrities and what’s on TV. You want to show that you do things in your spare time that enrich you as a person, not just sit on the sofa with Us Weekly. And even if you and your date are both super into celeb watching, it’s hardly a unique trait to build a relationship on. Spend those early dates getting to know the important facts about one another; the passions that make each of you tick and distinguish you from the other single folk out there.
Sample segue: “I liked Evan Almighty because it got people talking about the Bible, which isn’t true of most popular movies! I’m one of those people who loves getting into a literary discussion of the Bible—how about you?”
WRONG. Celebrity talk is one of the best things to talk about on a first date. Some dude wants to watch TV with me while reading Us Weekly? Keeper! Dude that watched (and liked!) Evan Almighty because it got people talking about the Bible and literary discussions thereof? Next!
2. Your domestic genius. It’s universally impressive to keep a stylish home, and it’s doubly impressive if you’re a great cook. “Cooking is one of my passions,” says James Humphrey, a public-relations manager in New York. “I can go on for hours talking about how much I hate Emeril but think Lidia Bastianich is the bomb!” If you know how to make a great meal, it’s definitely worth mentioning on the first date—a little private at-home dinner party just might be in your future. Even mentioning how much you love to make crafty birthday gifts for friends or have fondue parties can reveal a little about your nesting talents.
Sample segue: “How’s that chicken stew you ordered? I got this amazing recipe last summer that I’ve customized by...”
Dudes: I don't know Lidia but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't call a lady a Bastianich on a first date. Also I hate the phrase "the bomb," and the word "meal." Plus if you love fondue parties you probably also enjoy hot tub clubs (with men). Ladies: If you earnestly promote your nesting talents the dude's gonna flash forward to you picking out china patterns, yelling at him for getting drunk with his friends, and trying to cut off his balls. Proceed with caution.
3. Your family values. It can be a big plus to let your date know that your family is important to you, but that they don’t run your life. Share a story that describes your family in context (“We always played pranks on birthdays; I was a bit of a ringleader…”), but don’t go into anything that makes you sound bitter (“The jerkenstein also known as my father”) or attached at the hip (“Oh, this sweater? My mom made me try on every one in the store!”).
Sample segue: “My parents and I couldn’t be more different—except when it comes to…”
I love my family and talk about them a lot. I encourage this quality in others especially if told in a funny way. Women are good at spotting mama's boys even if family isn't a topic of conversation. (My skillz are particularly honed seeing as how I dated one for 3.5 years. Did your college boyfriend's mom drive 10 hours every few months to wash the few of his clothes that were not dry-cleanable courduroy pleated slacks and cashmere sweaters? Mine did!!! After college, did your boyfriend move back home and smoke a pound of weed a day and enjoy drinking wine with his mom and telling you you weren't nurturing enough? Mine did!!!) Anyhoozle. If you're a dude and you call your dad a "Jerkenstein," you don't look bitter you just look lame.
4. Community service. If you’re active in community organizations that help people in any way, this is definitely something to bring up on the first date. Of course, bragging about giving lots of money to charities—well, that’s just showing off. But just mentioning that you do volunteer work — like delivering meals to homebound people or even just hosting events for a local professional organization — shows a sense of humanity that’s an indisputable selling point.
Sample segue: “That neighborhood is really changing—I used to go there sometimes for [insert charity name], and it was on the dangerous side, but now it’s really improving!”
I just vomited in my mouth. People, I am all about urban revitalization, it is one of the best parts of my job and I'm willing to discuss this topic at length. But the gentleman described above just sounds like some douchebag that will wear blazers on weekends and make me go to galas when I'd rather be in a dive bar or at home with Netflix. No thanks. Plus everybody knows real men don't find anything dangerous. Pussy.
5. Your ability to laugh at yourself. This one’s less about saying one particular thing, and more about having a lighthearted tone. “Everyone has faults, and to be able to laugh at them is charming,” says Humphrey. “It’s always great to give a funny story about something you did to embarrass yourself—like my going up to Eva Longoria at a TV event and mistaking her for someone else.” Your embarrassing moment doesn’t have to involve a celeb, of course; it should just be something that shows you’re a human with faults and that you can acknowledge those flaws without falling to pieces.
Sample segue: “I love my job, and fortunately I work with great people. They didn’t even make too much fun of me the time I…” Odds are, your date will find your self-deprecating humor charming.
Why is this Humphrey character the only person quoted in the article? That's actually the only problem I have with this one, because self-deprecating humor is pretty much the best thing ever. The End.
1. Whatever you’re passionate about. Maybe it’s your love of art and culture. Or history. Or tropical bird-watching. Anything, in fact, except celebrities and what’s on TV. You want to show that you do things in your spare time that enrich you as a person, not just sit on the sofa with Us Weekly. And even if you and your date are both super into celeb watching, it’s hardly a unique trait to build a relationship on. Spend those early dates getting to know the important facts about one another; the passions that make each of you tick and distinguish you from the other single folk out there.
Sample segue: “I liked Evan Almighty because it got people talking about the Bible, which isn’t true of most popular movies! I’m one of those people who loves getting into a literary discussion of the Bible—how about you?”
WRONG. Celebrity talk is one of the best things to talk about on a first date. Some dude wants to watch TV with me while reading Us Weekly? Keeper! Dude that watched (and liked!) Evan Almighty because it got people talking about the Bible and literary discussions thereof? Next!
2. Your domestic genius. It’s universally impressive to keep a stylish home, and it’s doubly impressive if you’re a great cook. “Cooking is one of my passions,” says James Humphrey, a public-relations manager in New York. “I can go on for hours talking about how much I hate Emeril but think Lidia Bastianich is the bomb!” If you know how to make a great meal, it’s definitely worth mentioning on the first date—a little private at-home dinner party just might be in your future. Even mentioning how much you love to make crafty birthday gifts for friends or have fondue parties can reveal a little about your nesting talents.
Sample segue: “How’s that chicken stew you ordered? I got this amazing recipe last summer that I’ve customized by...”
Dudes: I don't know Lidia but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't call a lady a Bastianich on a first date. Also I hate the phrase "the bomb," and the word "meal." Plus if you love fondue parties you probably also enjoy hot tub clubs (with men). Ladies: If you earnestly promote your nesting talents the dude's gonna flash forward to you picking out china patterns, yelling at him for getting drunk with his friends, and trying to cut off his balls. Proceed with caution.
3. Your family values. It can be a big plus to let your date know that your family is important to you, but that they don’t run your life. Share a story that describes your family in context (“We always played pranks on birthdays; I was a bit of a ringleader…”), but don’t go into anything that makes you sound bitter (“The jerkenstein also known as my father”) or attached at the hip (“Oh, this sweater? My mom made me try on every one in the store!”).
Sample segue: “My parents and I couldn’t be more different—except when it comes to…”
I love my family and talk about them a lot. I encourage this quality in others especially if told in a funny way. Women are good at spotting mama's boys even if family isn't a topic of conversation. (My skillz are particularly honed seeing as how I dated one for 3.5 years. Did your college boyfriend's mom drive 10 hours every few months to wash the few of his clothes that were not dry-cleanable courduroy pleated slacks and cashmere sweaters? Mine did!!! After college, did your boyfriend move back home and smoke a pound of weed a day and enjoy drinking wine with his mom and telling you you weren't nurturing enough? Mine did!!!) Anyhoozle. If you're a dude and you call your dad a "Jerkenstein," you don't look bitter you just look lame.
4. Community service. If you’re active in community organizations that help people in any way, this is definitely something to bring up on the first date. Of course, bragging about giving lots of money to charities—well, that’s just showing off. But just mentioning that you do volunteer work — like delivering meals to homebound people or even just hosting events for a local professional organization — shows a sense of humanity that’s an indisputable selling point.
Sample segue: “That neighborhood is really changing—I used to go there sometimes for [insert charity name], and it was on the dangerous side, but now it’s really improving!”
I just vomited in my mouth. People, I am all about urban revitalization, it is one of the best parts of my job and I'm willing to discuss this topic at length. But the gentleman described above just sounds like some douchebag that will wear blazers on weekends and make me go to galas when I'd rather be in a dive bar or at home with Netflix. No thanks. Plus everybody knows real men don't find anything dangerous. Pussy.
5. Your ability to laugh at yourself. This one’s less about saying one particular thing, and more about having a lighthearted tone. “Everyone has faults, and to be able to laugh at them is charming,” says Humphrey. “It’s always great to give a funny story about something you did to embarrass yourself—like my going up to Eva Longoria at a TV event and mistaking her for someone else.” Your embarrassing moment doesn’t have to involve a celeb, of course; it should just be something that shows you’re a human with faults and that you can acknowledge those flaws without falling to pieces.
Sample segue: “I love my job, and fortunately I work with great people. They didn’t even make too much fun of me the time I…” Odds are, your date will find your self-deprecating humor charming.
Why is this Humphrey character the only person quoted in the article? That's actually the only problem I have with this one, because self-deprecating humor is pretty much the best thing ever. The End.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Perks of the Colbert Repore
Stephen: There's meeting me, talking with me, and sitting next to me.....
Stephen: There's also enjoying the Fun Size Milky Ways in the green room.
Camera: (Cuts to plate holding one mini Milky Way).
Stephen: Wait that doesn't look very fun. Zoom in.
Camera: (Zooms in on the one mini Milky Way).
Stephen: Oh. I see. That's a Milky Way Miniature, not a Fun Size.
Stephen: .....Not nearly as fun.
Stephen: There's also enjoying the Fun Size Milky Ways in the green room.
Camera: (Cuts to plate holding one mini Milky Way).
Stephen: Wait that doesn't look very fun. Zoom in.
Camera: (Zooms in on the one mini Milky Way).
Stephen: Oh. I see. That's a Milky Way Miniature, not a Fun Size.
Stephen: .....Not nearly as fun.
More Colbert
God I love him.
We just passed the one-year anniversary of his White House Correspondents Speech. Let's all click and refresh our memories and collective joy. Let's also take a look at this funny interview with Bill O'Reilly.
"I catch the world in my headlights of justice."
"I haven't seen my kids in 18 months and I'm losing calcium in my bones."
"I'm afraid of bears. I think owls are a waste of time."
We just passed the one-year anniversary of his White House Correspondents Speech. Let's all click and refresh our memories and collective joy. Let's also take a look at this funny interview with Bill O'Reilly.
"I catch the world in my headlights of justice."
"I haven't seen my kids in 18 months and I'm losing calcium in my bones."
"I'm afraid of bears. I think owls are a waste of time."
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Confusing Rant Triggered by High School Reunion and Overanalytical Nature
I went to my high school reunion last weekend. It triggered feelings of frustration I get periodically. Sometimes it's directed at Americans generally, sometimes at religious family members specifically. Always it results in me wanting to shake people and make them read, think, and learn.
The feeling is difficult to articulate but this time it was directed at a large group of girls I hung out with in junior high that now depress the holy hell out of me. They appear to have dumb husbands, work boring jobs (if at all), and devote a lot of energy to being thin and attractive. They're in Southern California, mind you. Their favorite hobbies are tract home decoration, chardonnay, and monthly girls' lunches at chain restaurants. They drive huge SUVs. No banter, no intelligence, no cleverness, no curiosity about the world, no desire to work in it and change it.
My frustration always comes with the desire to prove something. These women make me mad, nay, infuriated. This time around it has me in a tizzy of conflicting thoughts. Does feeling upset by other women mean I am as immature and insecure as I was in high school? Why does it bother me so much? How fucking arrogant am I to think I'm better than them? Where is the line between respecting women's choices and analyzing whether those choices are good for social progress?
Is utilitarianism applicable here? I would posit if they're all happy and content, there's no problem. But it's not that easy! How do we determine happiness? Even if they report happiness, how much of that is false consciousness or satisfaction of socially constructed desires? Can a person really be content with a certain life when the person never realized there were other lives that could be lived? Why am I am suddenly now about to quote John Stuart Mill and say "it is better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied"?
But then again don't studies show that women balancing stimulating yet demanding jobs with husbands and kids are more stressed or depressed than women that don't work or have less demanding jobs? Is that because even as women work outside the home they still do most of the work and coordination within it? If not, and it's just the job, aren't the statistics skewed by the fact that the women educated enough to realize social problems and vocalize their frustration are the ones with the more demanding jobs?
The feeling is difficult to articulate but this time it was directed at a large group of girls I hung out with in junior high that now depress the holy hell out of me. They appear to have dumb husbands, work boring jobs (if at all), and devote a lot of energy to being thin and attractive. They're in Southern California, mind you. Their favorite hobbies are tract home decoration, chardonnay, and monthly girls' lunches at chain restaurants. They drive huge SUVs. No banter, no intelligence, no cleverness, no curiosity about the world, no desire to work in it and change it.
My frustration always comes with the desire to prove something. These women make me mad, nay, infuriated. This time around it has me in a tizzy of conflicting thoughts. Does feeling upset by other women mean I am as immature and insecure as I was in high school? Why does it bother me so much? How fucking arrogant am I to think I'm better than them? Where is the line between respecting women's choices and analyzing whether those choices are good for social progress?
Is utilitarianism applicable here? I would posit if they're all happy and content, there's no problem. But it's not that easy! How do we determine happiness? Even if they report happiness, how much of that is false consciousness or satisfaction of socially constructed desires? Can a person really be content with a certain life when the person never realized there were other lives that could be lived? Why am I am suddenly now about to quote John Stuart Mill and say "it is better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied"?
But then again don't studies show that women balancing stimulating yet demanding jobs with husbands and kids are more stressed or depressed than women that don't work or have less demanding jobs? Is that because even as women work outside the home they still do most of the work and coordination within it? If not, and it's just the job, aren't the statistics skewed by the fact that the women educated enough to realize social problems and vocalize their frustration are the ones with the more demanding jobs?
Speaking of working moms, I don't buy the whole "women at home is better for kids" thing. This stems from the 1950's, right? But women back then were not sitting around reading Dr. Seuss to their kids and pushing them on the swings. No. They were constantly cooking and cleaning and sewing. They also had so many kids that there was a lack of quality one-on-one time.
Why is the chick the default stay-at-homer? Having women as equal participants in the workforce benefits society. Beyond the obvious reason of tapping vast resources of unused brainpower and emotional intelligence, it benefits men because they don't have the sole breadwinning pressure and they won't die of heart attacks at 50 and they can work less and be greater participants in their families.
And back to kids again, magazine articles say my reproductive years may end sooner than I thought. What am I supposed to do with that fact? I'm so jealous men don't have that limit. Should I be jealous though? If men procreate later that just means they have to be older parents, and since the parenting is the hardest part is that really such an awesome gift? Maybe not.
How much do I care about having biological children anyway? I guess if I don't want kids until I'm 40, and I can't have them then, I'll just adopt. That's probably better for the world anyway. Population increase and environmentalism and all that. But how much would I miss the actual physical connection to a baby, like pregnancy and breastfeeding and stuff? Also how small, exactly, are these babies one procures through adoption? Are we talkin' a few weeks or a few months? What do those ages even mean in developmental terms? If I planned an adoption with a pregnant lady can I get the baby nice and early so it's still little and super-bondable?
Also WHY DID THIS TURN FROM RANTING ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL COLLEAGUES INTO MY CONCERNS ABOUT BONDING WITH MY BABY AND IS THIS MY SUBCONSCIOUS WANTING A BABY AND IF SO OH MY GOD, WHAT?
Thursday, July 19, 2007
CosmoGIRL!
KC's boyfriend works at Hearst magazine and was somehow roped into doing CosmoGIRL!'s The Daily Kiss with Thornton McEnery, including a Guy Blogger column.
OMG YoU gUyS! I soooo lOvE iT!!! The Guy Blogger garners comments like the one posted by "fashionfanatic":
thorton- you must have a lucky girl, it seems like you know EVERYTHING!!lol. well If your going out with a guy for like 4mths. and then when you get back from your vacation, he never calls again[which has been about a month!].like, what did I do wronge?he called wishing me a safe trip and all, but I had to go like real fast.[if that helps]
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