You idiot.

Rush Limbaugh said:

"You have to understand the mindset of a lot of these feminists and women...These women have paid their dues. They've been married two or three times; they've had two or three abortions; they've done everything that feminism asked them to do. They have cut men out of their lives; they have devoted themselves to causes and careers. And this — the candidacy of Hillary Clinton — is the culmination of all of these women's efforts."

Jezebel commenters said:

• These women have "had two or three abortions and cut men out of their lives" because they keep meeting men like Rush.


• Why, oh why, couldn't his mother have been one of these three abortion minimum feminists?


• And ol' Rushie here has been married three times, but of course that has nothing to do with anything.


• Oh, shit, I thought I was a feminist. Time to go sign the divorce papers and get impregnated and have an abortion.


• This bloated asshole has been married (and divorced) multiple times, and was caught carrying Viagra and condoms to the Dominican Republic.

Those drawn with a very fine camelhair brush.

The Analytical Language of John Wilkins describes "a certain Chinese encyclopedia," the Celestial Emporium of Benevolent Knowledge, in which it is written that animals are divided into:

those that belong to the Emperor,
embalmed ones,
those that are trained,
suckling pigs,
mermaids,
fabulous ones,
stray dogs,
those included in the present classification,
those that tremble as if they were mad,
innumerable ones,
those drawn with a very fine camelhair brush,
others,
those that have just broken a flower vase,
those that from a long way off look like flies.

April Fools!!!! LOL

The folks at FamilyFun.com compiled some of the most hilarious pranks around. Too bad I didn't see this earlier, because I would've done all of them to everybody:

Call from the Principal (Not!). My kids behave pretty well at school so they were very shocked when I told them the principal had called about some rude behavior on the playground. Of course they denied it and rightly so since I'd just made it up. I told them no T.V. for a week and boy did they howl about that! Luckily they weren't mad at me when I finally said,"APRIL FOOLS!"

Buggy Toothpaste. My husband placed a raisin in the end of the toothpaste tube. When I squeezed out the paste, I got what I thought was a bug along with my minty tarter control glob.

Cowboys and Indians. I live in Cowboy country and am a huge Dallas fan. One Sunday while I was watching Dallas play our rival Washington, my kids made two big signs saying "A Redskin fan lives here" and "I love the Redskins" and placed them on our front lawn. It wasn't until later that afternoon as we backing out of the driveway to go out that I saw the signs and almost passed out!

Ran out of Gas! The set-up is simple. We took our kids out to dinner to "celebrate" April Fool's Day. A few blocks from home, my husband made the car lurch a little and announced that we were out of gas. The children moaned and groaned a little and then got out to walk home with Dad while I stayed behind with the baby and to watch the car. I watched them for about a block, started the car and drove by yelling "April Fool's!" The kids loved it and it was a great way for them to work off more energy before bed!

Finger Lickin' Good. Finishing our take-out fried chicken dinner one night, I complained I was still sooo hungry and wished there were more chicken. I drank some water, secretly sucking a half-melted ice cube into my mouth and moving it between my molars. Then, licking my finger & smiling, I stuck my finger into my mouth (between my cheek & molars where I held the ice). I bit down on my "finger," the ice cracked & crunched horribly, then I pretended to really enjoy crunching down on that chicken-lickin' finger! The looks on my kids' faces were priceless!

Tig Notaro and a Child.

From Tig Nation.

Tig Notaro

I went to An Evening of a Thousand Scowls on Saturday, which was a comedy fundraiser for 826 Valencia. One of the comics -- Tig Notaro -- was hilarious. She's like Maria Bamford and Mary Louise Parker combined. Her comedy was super dry and quiet and slow, kinda like a deadpan friend. She started her routine by quietly taking the mic off its stand, then joking about comedians that hold the stand on the diagonal or move the stand out way out of the way. Then she started to move the stand to the far edge of the stage, and then eventually she moved it off the stage into the audience because "We need to clear the stage. My comedy is too gigantic." It just got better from there. In conclusion: Highly recommended.



Bonus: Fred Willard!

The Embarrassing Daves.

When did Dave Eggers fall with Dave Matthews into the category Things Cool People Don't Like? There were times I loved both these men in earnest (2002 and 1997, respectively). But it's uncool to like them, so until today I talked about my love for Crash or A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius in self-deprecating, haha-I-was-young sort of tone. No more. I loved both those things and I don't care who knows it!

Her legs look good and stable!

A few years ago my friends and I had a night of hysterical can't-catch-our-breath laughter in which we designed imaginary satyrs (or centaurs, or fawns, or minotaurs, depending whom you ask) for each of us. Maybe you had to be there, but the topic has induced giggles for me ever since.

Recently Stephen Colbert said "I'll go on record saying John McCain is a minotaur," which caused me to shriek with delight and research which man/beast combo we really meant a few years ago. I think it was the satyr. But when googling "centaur," I found an awesome site called Elfwood, to which some dude submitted a digital painting with this note:

"the basic idea about her legs is they are actually a normal (very muscular) human legs with extended feet (those of a horse) all covered in fur, so I think she wouldn't have any trouble in walking, and keeping her balance for standing with two legs in a long time. I don't think that a person with a true horse hind legs could walk normally, because their thighs are too short so their knees are also too high, it's not easy to walk with such legs. recently I found that highlighting the skin tone with yellow looks very organic compared to white (I used to make highlight using white, and then wondered about the unhealthy pale look on the skin I just rendered, and spent so many hours to adjust the contrast, hue, and everything in a frustration) manually sketched, colored with photoshop,then rendered in painter, and exported back to photoshop for the final adjustments (ex: the make up for her face). the dress was painted from scratch in painter, and the eye glasses was made with photoshop."

This is the picture:

And these are some comments:

• I think the creature isn't a centaur, it's either a minotaur, a faun, or a satyr. Great work though!


• Aah who cares what you call her, she's gorgeous! I love the yellow skin, and her dress, and her legs look good and stable!


• She is what I call a "hemicentaur": the F1 hybrid of a non-centaur human and a centaur (this assumes incomplete dominance of the centaur gene). As your picture shows, the result is beautiful (lovely legs!). [Do you wish you were one (or ARE you one)?].


• I appreciate it more in the closeups of her head. That's when the detail in her eyes and lips comes out. It's very good, I think, very indicative of a tough but beautiful personality. She's got a tan elven ladies might kill for, too.

Mom's Corner

i fixed an awesome dinner for evelyn with poached pear/ice cream dessert, so she was very grateful and impressed. i had eva come for lunch today so we began drinking greyhounds (grapefruit juice/vodka) on the patio and playing fetch with maggie. i made scrumptious sun-dried tomato wraps with turkey, avocado, chopped butter lettuce, swiss cheese and a touch of italian dressing. eva had never had a wrap, so it was fun making her one. it was lots of fun being domestic for a couple days...[dad] has enjoyed that too, of course. i guess watching the food network channel has been inspiring me...a little bit :) tomorrow at 5 p.m. [cousins] arrive, so i've got some appetizers for them before they go back to a wedding welcoming party later in the evening.

does [brother] know you're considering a fit? [Fn1] he'd sure be excited about that, since he loves that car. will that be enough room for you? are you buying a used or new one? ouch...cars are so expensive!! good luck car shopping! here's some advice (although you haven't asked for any, ha) i recommend going through costco's auto plan, since you get the best price in town. costco has a deal with certain local honda dealers who will sell a car a few thousand $$ under the mfrp (manufacturer's retail price); it's a great deal. just get a costco store's auto plan booklet which lists the honda dealers in your area. you'll probably deal with the honda dealer's fleet manager. that person will be your only contact and he/she simply explains the plan and finalizes the paperwork for you, so there's no need to wheel 'n deal with car salesmen...nice. also, there are additional fees when buying a new car. they are: a document preparation fee ($45 for my accord), sales tax, license fees ($211 for the accord) , and california tire fees ($5 for the accord). fyi: the mfrp (window/sticker price, which includes a destination and handling fee) for the 2004 accord was $26,890.00, but the costco discount lowered it to $24,250.00!! even if you have to pay $50 to become a costco member, it's well worth it!! maybe i've given you more info than you want at this time, but you know me...always looking for better prices/deals and ALWAYS wanting to help you in any way i can!!

I LOVE YOU!!

mom

[Fn1] My car was stolen from the mean streets of Noe Valley the other week. I hated that hand-me-down '95 Civic Coupe with a cherry red paint job and many street parking scrapes and a recently developed high pitched whirring sound. I was disappointed when it was found, but happy when my insurance declared it totalled. Honda Fit, here I come! (Note to self: Learn how to buy cars.)

Welcome to my new all-video blog.

Easter in San Francisco

After the Hot Jesus contest

and before the Big Wheel race

a gentleman asked my friend Cheryl:
"Would you like some merlot and Coke? ...It's very popular in Spain."